When you become a parent, you also open up your heart ...
I always took being a mother seriously and never once thought that when my children grew up, my job was done. Not that I interfere in their lives, on the contrary, they all know that I will always support them, no matter what decisions they make. I may offer my advice or make a suggestion, but I don't interfere. I have made countless mistakes in raising them on my own, and I have to work really hard not to beat myself up over those mistakes.
No one gives you a manuel when each one is born, because, obviously, they are all born with different personalities and characters. Even if someone was to hand you a manuel, it would be so incredibly overwhelming with information and warnings that you would probably scream "no, I can't handle THAT!" but, somehow, you do.
I believe that that is why our Heavenly Father doesn't want us to know our futures because He alone knows what lies ahead of us, and yes, a lot of what we face is heartbreaking and you think that you will never survive but again, somehow, you do.
Your whole heart, and life, changes once that tiny, precious little life is handed to you seconds after they enter the world and suddenly, it's no longer just you that you have to think of. This precious babe has been placed in your care and you do whatever it takes to make sure they're healthy, happy and secure. But, and this is a big BUT...you cannot control what happens in their life, or in your own.
When my first child was born, it was scary because for one, she was born by emergency caesarean section, so right from the word GO, I wasn't prepared. I had continual bouts of Mastitis, post natal depression mixed with grief from the sudden and tragic death of my beloved father when I was 14 weeks pregnant and to top it off, my (1st) ex husband and I kept arguing all throughout my pregnancy and afterwards too.
To add to all of this, I was completely unaware that my daughter suffered from anxiety, which, now when I look back, I can say "oh, THAT explains her often shocking and hurtful behaviour!"
By the time my second child, my oldest son, was born, our marriage was really on the rocks and I naively thought that giving my husband a son would improve things. I was wrong and could not have been further from the truth.
He left us just after our daughter had turned three and before our son had turned one.
How do you hold your children together when you are falling apart? You do the best you can because that's all you CAN do. You forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and you be gentle with yourself because you were given the role of being a mother. YOU were chosen by God to be their mother, no matter what.
Another thing that you cannot control is the state of your relationship with your children once they become adults. You can apologise over and over again for mistakes you made while raising them, although you shouldn't have to because you hope that they will naturally forgive you because you did the best that you knew how AT THAT TIME.
Of course, they grow up with their own perspective of things that occurred in the past and make their own judgements ...what they DO with those judgements is up to them, as is their own perspectives, as it is for all of us.
I don't know anyone who hasn't had bad things happen to them when they were growing up but you learn from them, one way or the other. You choose to either let it define you, mold you or strengthen you to not allow that to happen to any children that you have., and you also choose as to what sort of person you want to be.
I loved my parents very much but were they perfect? Of course not - none of us are, but I still loved and respected them despite their failings. I never blamed them for things they said or did that hurt me, I just forgave them and reconciled within my heart that they did the best that they knew how. I also never verbally questioned their way of doing things, I just forgave them in my heart and in my behaviour towards them, showing them the respect and honour that they deserved. I realise, of course, that not all parents deserve respect but that is for each individual to decide, but I also like to think that if the parent has repeatedly done all that they can for their children during their growing years and well into adulthood, making endless sacrifices ( financially, emotionally and physically) doing whatever you can to make their children happy, then that parent does, indeed, deserve forgiveness and respect, and given the chance to restore their relationship.
But, as I said, you cannot control what happens. And sometimes, as much as it hurts and as much as it causes your heart to break because it has been shattered by the actions and behaviour of your children, you just have to let go and recognise that some relationships with them are far from healthy and they are, in fact, toxic. So you have to find the strength to walk away and just love them and pray for them from a distance, leaving it all in the hands of Our Heavenly Father and THAT, my friends, is the definition of sacrifice, because you just know that some things have to be completely broken in order to be restored, only if that is God's Will and only then can hearts be healed.
I have always said that being a mother is the hardest job in the world but when you are a single mother, a position which was forced upon you and in which you had no choice, it is even more challenging because you have no one to lean on, no one to give you advice as to how to handle a painful situation ,especially when cruel accusations are hurled at you, no one with whom to encourage you and give you a relaxing massage at the end of the day, no one to dry your tears and just hold you ~ you are flying completely solo and it's hard...really hard.
All I can say is that you have to keep going, one foot in front of the other, and continue through this minefield of emotions and challenges and heartaches until the day comes when you are called Home.
Until next time,
I am the Girl from Down Under xx
No one gives you a manuel when each one is born, because, obviously, they are all born with different personalities and characters. Even if someone was to hand you a manuel, it would be so incredibly overwhelming with information and warnings that you would probably scream "no, I can't handle THAT!" but, somehow, you do.
I believe that that is why our Heavenly Father doesn't want us to know our futures because He alone knows what lies ahead of us, and yes, a lot of what we face is heartbreaking and you think that you will never survive but again, somehow, you do.
Your whole heart, and life, changes once that tiny, precious little life is handed to you seconds after they enter the world and suddenly, it's no longer just you that you have to think of. This precious babe has been placed in your care and you do whatever it takes to make sure they're healthy, happy and secure. But, and this is a big BUT...you cannot control what happens in their life, or in your own.
When my first child was born, it was scary because for one, she was born by emergency caesarean section, so right from the word GO, I wasn't prepared. I had continual bouts of Mastitis, post natal depression mixed with grief from the sudden and tragic death of my beloved father when I was 14 weeks pregnant and to top it off, my (1st) ex husband and I kept arguing all throughout my pregnancy and afterwards too.
To add to all of this, I was completely unaware that my daughter suffered from anxiety, which, now when I look back, I can say "oh, THAT explains her often shocking and hurtful behaviour!"
By the time my second child, my oldest son, was born, our marriage was really on the rocks and I naively thought that giving my husband a son would improve things. I was wrong and could not have been further from the truth.
He left us just after our daughter had turned three and before our son had turned one.
How do you hold your children together when you are falling apart? You do the best you can because that's all you CAN do. You forgive yourself for the mistakes you made and you be gentle with yourself because you were given the role of being a mother. YOU were chosen by God to be their mother, no matter what.
Another thing that you cannot control is the state of your relationship with your children once they become adults. You can apologise over and over again for mistakes you made while raising them, although you shouldn't have to because you hope that they will naturally forgive you because you did the best that you knew how AT THAT TIME.
Of course, they grow up with their own perspective of things that occurred in the past and make their own judgements ...what they DO with those judgements is up to them, as is their own perspectives, as it is for all of us.
I don't know anyone who hasn't had bad things happen to them when they were growing up but you learn from them, one way or the other. You choose to either let it define you, mold you or strengthen you to not allow that to happen to any children that you have., and you also choose as to what sort of person you want to be.
I loved my parents very much but were they perfect? Of course not - none of us are, but I still loved and respected them despite their failings. I never blamed them for things they said or did that hurt me, I just forgave them and reconciled within my heart that they did the best that they knew how. I also never verbally questioned their way of doing things, I just forgave them in my heart and in my behaviour towards them, showing them the respect and honour that they deserved. I realise, of course, that not all parents deserve respect but that is for each individual to decide, but I also like to think that if the parent has repeatedly done all that they can for their children during their growing years and well into adulthood, making endless sacrifices ( financially, emotionally and physically) doing whatever you can to make their children happy, then that parent does, indeed, deserve forgiveness and respect, and given the chance to restore their relationship.
But, as I said, you cannot control what happens. And sometimes, as much as it hurts and as much as it causes your heart to break because it has been shattered by the actions and behaviour of your children, you just have to let go and recognise that some relationships with them are far from healthy and they are, in fact, toxic. So you have to find the strength to walk away and just love them and pray for them from a distance, leaving it all in the hands of Our Heavenly Father and THAT, my friends, is the definition of sacrifice, because you just know that some things have to be completely broken in order to be restored, only if that is God's Will and only then can hearts be healed.
I have always said that being a mother is the hardest job in the world but when you are a single mother, a position which was forced upon you and in which you had no choice, it is even more challenging because you have no one to lean on, no one to give you advice as to how to handle a painful situation ,especially when cruel accusations are hurled at you, no one with whom to encourage you and give you a relaxing massage at the end of the day, no one to dry your tears and just hold you ~ you are flying completely solo and it's hard...really hard.
All I can say is that you have to keep going, one foot in front of the other, and continue through this minefield of emotions and challenges and heartaches until the day comes when you are called Home.
Until next time,
I am the Girl from Down Under xx
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