Reflections of a Single Mum

Hello all, I know it's been a while since I've written but as I said in my last post, I was having a much needed holiday in Spain ( which was AMAZING, by the way!) Well, my youngest son survived very well without me and I came home to a very neat and tidy house! It was actually a great thing to leave him on his own for all that time because he learned how to be independent - he cooked, cleaned, did his laundry and generally enjoyed being here at home on his own! One of many things about being a parent, particularly a single parent, is ensuring that throughout the growing years, you need to instill in them that they will always have a place to which they can return - which is the "roots" part , like a tree with roots that go down deep and able to withstand the difficulties of life that we all encounter at some stage, and knowing that they can always come back to you for support.   Imparting your wisdom and encouragement during these years is crucial for their deve...

One of the things about being a single mum is that you don't often get a break, which is fine because to mothers like me, raising my children, especially raising them to grow up to be decent human beings, is worth all the time and effort you put in, despite not getting a lot of time to yourself. As my youngest is on the threshhold of turning 18, new journeys await both of us.  It is with some trepidation (for me, that is!) as he begins his new path that is lying ahead of him and all I can do is hope and pray that the lessons that I have spent the last 18 years teaching, will stick, hoping like crazy that somewhere in the recesses of his mind, he will recall at least some of the things that I have tried to teach him!  The biggest test, of course, will be when I head overseas in 3 weeks' time for a much-needed holiday for a glorious 6 weeks, all by myself, no less! I have spent the last few weeks typing out lists of things for him to remember to do (like watering my plants!)...

I think one of the hardest things about being a single mum is when your children are sick or not well and you don't have anyone to give you a hug and just say "it's going to be alright", no one to just reassure you and help carry your worries. As I look back over these last 25 or so years, right up to today, that feeling of being overwhelmed with emotion at receiving upsetting news that one of your children isn't well, never leaves you no matter how old your children get. Tears flow down your cheeks, you pray fervently that everything will be fine, but then that doubt creeps in, especially when you are sleep-deprived, and then it takes every bit of faith that you have to stop you from going under with the weight of worry and wishing with all your heart that whatever it is that's not right with your child,  would just be taken away and their health is perfect.  As I said, in times like that, you could really do with a big hug and to be able to look into tha...

      Children learn what they live  by  Dorothy Law Nolte If a child lives with criticism,        He learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility,        He learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule,        He learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame,        He learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with tolerance,        He learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement,        He learns confidence. If a child lives with praise,        He learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness,        He learns justice. If a child lives with security,        He learns to have faith. As a woman who grew up with the first verse's way of life, through no intentional fault of my beloved parents, I was determined to raise my children with t...

When I unexpectedly became pregnant with my youngest son, at the age of almost 40, no less, to say I was shocked is a gross understatement! His father and I had only been dating for about a month (!!) but, I will always see my becoming pregnant as this late stage of my life and also the circumstances during which he was conceived, as a blessing, despite the utter  horror of being with his father for four-five years.  I have had to discipline my thinking to instead of  "oh, why didn't I think this through? You idiot!"to "something good ALWAYS comes out of something bad". I was planning on having a big celebration on my 40th birthday, but God had other plans! (doesn't He always?) however, I was very, very pregnant by my 40th, but, oh the joy I felt at the great anticipation of meeting my precious little Latecomer. I have to say that this last pregnancy was definitely the easiest, once I got past the dreaded  initial 12 weeks of worrying that something mi...

As I said in my previous post, this next one is dedicated to my oldest son.  My little girl was about 15 months old when I fell pregnant with my next little one.  I discovered I was pregnant on Mother's Day, 1990.  Oh what joy I felt!  I was absolutely thrilled! By this stage, my husband, my little girl and myself had moved to a rural area so that my husband could indulge in his passion for Greyhounds by breeding and racing them.  Life was full on, but sadly, our marriage had already begun to develop cracks.  I had hoped with all my heart that having another baby would improve the situation, but unfortunately, that was not the case.  Without going into details, it's suffice to say that things really were not very good between us, but despite these terrible circumstances, I couldn't wait to bring another precious baby into the world. Adding to this was the grief of losing my dear father before my little girl was born, in tragic and sudden circumst...

I want to dedicate this, and the next two posts, to each of my children individually, sharing my experiences and how the day my beautiful daughter was born, was the day I could no longer put myself first. Becoming pregnant with my daughter was a miracle, as were the following two pregnancies with my sons. I had always wanted to be a mother, as I expressed in one of my earlier posts.  I believed with all my heart that becoming a mother was my purpose in life. A few months before I became pregnant with my precious little girl, both my Doctor and my Obstetrician were very much convinced that I suffered from the serious gynecological condition, Endometriosos, which is a very serious medical condition that can prevent a woman from becoming pregnant.  The reason they came to this conclusion and diagnosed this condition was because I suffered horrifically from Dysmenorrhoea (excruciating pain at that time of the month, where you almost pass out from the pain) from the time I wa...

Looking back over the last 25 years, it is with both pride and a feeling of "wow! I can't believe I did it .... and we all survived!! I look at each of my children and my heart swells with pride at how amazing each of them have turned out, despite my endless doubts that I would screw them up somehow.  Perhaps it's in spite of my mistakes that they have turned out as incredible as they are. As I said in my very first post, nothing in this world can prepare you for the journey ahead when you become a mother, but being a single mother adds a whole other dimension of doubt. The four of us have successfully navigated through the myriad of challenges that life has continually thrown at us, and my two adult children have branched out on their own, forging their own path in this often cruel and unfair world.  My youngest son, who is on the threshold of adulthood, is already forging his own path to a point, with as much guidance from me that I can offer. I remember when I w...

There were several reasons why I chose to homeschool my youngest son and looking back, I don't regret any of it.  My little one had been in a State school for almost two years and I was dealing with a lot of issues, including worrying that his father was going to turn up at the school and take him without my knowledge.  Given that his father was very likely to do that just to hurt me was a very real threat. At that time, I was also receiving Government benefits and a new legislation was going to be introduced that would force me to find, at that time, 15 hours of work, therefore putting me in a very bad position because I didn't have anyone to call on if my little boy was ill and therefore, no one to assist me with looking after him if I was at work.  My dear Mum lived too far away and not only that, I didn't feel that it was fair to ask her to come all that way when I believed in my heart that my children were  MY responsibility.  I remember feeling i...

As I mentioned in my last post, by the time we moved out of our beautiful country homestead, I was 36 weeks pregnant with my last little blessing.  I certainly do not advise ANYONE to move house when they're at this late stage of pregnancy!!  It was, to say the least, extremely stressful - even more so than normal! We were kind of forced to move as circumstances changed drastically between me and the owner of the house, so we actually didn't have anywhere to live, so this added to my stress.  Thankfully, as God was always protecting us and providing for us, I bumped into my brother-in-law's brother one day whilst shopping and I mentioned our plight to him, and he so happened to have a little cottage available for rent further away from where we were - another town, another school...but, life goes on, so we moved. The little cottage was only two bedrooms, plus a sunroom, so my daughter moved into the front sunroom.  When circumstances are difficult, I have learnt ...

After moving yet again, this time we were given the opportunity to live on five acres of land in a brand new house, which I have never done before.  Not only that, but the man who gave us that opportunity was the same man that I mentioned in my previous post.   At the time, we were dating and he had just built a magnificent house on the abovementioned land and he invited my input as to how to plan the kitchen, which was too good an opportunity to pass up!  As I said before, the kitchen, to me, is one of the most important rooms in the house! As usual, I allowed my two young children to choose their bedrooms, much to their delight, and my bedroom, the main bedroom, was just beautiful.  It had four double French-style doors that welcomed the morning sun and overlooked the whole property.  Included in all the bedrooms were very generous sized built in wardrobes, which not all of our previous homes had had, so this was just wonderful!  And, they had mirrors...

As mentioned in my previous post about having to move yet again, I decided that I really needed to be closer to my beloved mother.   It certainly was strange moving back, especially as this time, I had two beautiful children with me.   On the downside of this, I had recently started dating a man who actually wasn't good either for me or my cherished children, and he played a part in my/our unfortunate story.   However, I believe that things happen for a reason and if I hadn't met him, or rather, reconnected with him ( we went to school together many, many years earlier), we wouldn't have had the wonderful memories of our next home, which I will save for my next post! :) And so it was that we moved to another part of my treasured childhood home from where I grew up, but we were still only about less than ten minutes drive from Mum's place. It was only a two bedroom house but it was delightful.  Because of the small size of the second bedroom, I decided to set ...